How to Make REAL Friends as a Business Owner with Danielle Jackson
Episode 579: Show Notes
This episode is about friendships; how you make them, how you keep them, how you maintain them, how you can be a better friend, how you let go of old friendships. Every question that you have felt uncomfortable asking about how to make friends in the online space or in the real world space is going to be answered on today’s show. Today’s guest, Danielle Bayard Jackson, from BetterFemaleFriendships.com and host of the Friend Forward Podcast. She is on a mission to help women business owners create and maintain better friendships as adults.
You’re going to want to listen to this episode multiple times because you’re going to get so many actionable steps to take. We’re excited for you, as well as ourselves because we’ve experienced the loneliness that comes from knowing a lot of people but not having deep connections with them. We hope that so many friendships are made because of this episode!
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Strategies To Re-Engage Your Current Network To Find New Friends
Apps like Bumble BFF are great for meeting new people, but through a lot of coaching sessions, Danielle has seen that they are not great for creating deep and meaningful friendships. So many entrepreneurial women don’t want to admit vulnerabilities like not being able to make friends and are often too busy focusing on their business to find the time to put effort into doing so. Danielle’s number one strategy for making friends is to start with the people you already know. The phrases “make new friends” and “meet new people” are often used synonymously, but they are not the same thing. There’s no shortage of meeting new people but making friends refers to cultivating something meaningful with other people, and you don’t have to start from scratch! There are tons of people in your network who you have probably dismissed as having the potential to be your friend for various reasons, but when you engage differently you might be surprised by the outcome.
Keys To Friendship Building
The way to find people with who you have common ground outside of the business world is to get clear on what lights you up. Something as simple as a show that you love can help you form a connection. Research shows that you are twice as likely to become friends with people who are near you so keep your eyes open to the people who are physically close to you because repeated exposure is a key ingredient to building a friendship! You’re also going to have friends who don’t live close to you and the trick to maintaining these friendships is to be intentional about dedicating time to them. It’s not about finding additional hours to block out, it’s about layering your time. For example, if you do your laundry at a certain time during the week, call a friend during that time. Even just ten minutes of time spent on the phone with a friend can boost your mood.
How to Handle When Friendships Change (and What to Do About It)
Our social network grows and grows and grows until about the age of 25, and after that, it declines rapidly. Big life changes that occur at this age create separation between people who, at one point, found it very easy to spend lots of time together. It’s common for female friendships to end prematurely because we don’t speak about our issues or because we create a negative self-generated narrative which is often untrue. When your needs shift, you may feel that you need someone who can appreciate the stage of life that you are in. If you feel like your friends are not relating to you, you need to determine how important that is to you. There’s a difference between friends who are really not interested in our lives, and those who are just not going through a similar experience. You need to determine what you need from a friendship, and what your thresholds are within your friendships. Regardless of how you feel about your friendship with someone, Danielle is adamant that ghosting is never a good option, and that the best way to approach a conversation about an issue that has arisen in a friendship is to focus on YOUR needs, not on her behavior, and she shares some examples of how to do this. Sometimes a friendship just requires a re-categorization, rather than cutting the person out of your life entirely.
The 3 Factors Every Friendship Needs To Thrive
Friendship expert, Shasta Nelson, developed the “frientimacy” triangle which highlights the three factors which every friendship needs to thrive. The first is positivity; if it’s not a pleasurable experience to be together, then people are not going to seek out your company. The second is consistency; you need to see people regularly to maintain a friendship. The number one reason that women feel lonely even though they have friends is that they never see them. You don’t have to see a friend every day, but there has to be a consistent rhythm to your friendship. The third factor is vulnerability; vulnerability is tied to how comfortable you feel with other people, and how deep you are willing to go with them. These three things have to be present to form meaningful connections.
Quote This
Too many of us are seeing friendship as a nice to have when it’s a need to have.
— @DBayardJackson
Highlights
Strategies To Ee-Engage Your Current Network To Find New Friends. [0:07:48]
Keys To Friendship Building. [0:16:27]
How to Handle When Friendships Change (and What to Do About It). [0:29:13]
The 3 Factors Every Friendship Needs To Thrive. [0:39:16]
#TalkStrategyToMe [0:46:18]
Identify 3 to 5 women who you want to befriend.
Figure out which elements of the “frientimacy” triangle you can improve upon.
Do your outreach and be consistent.
ON TODAY’S SHOW
Danielle Bayard Jackson
Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | Twitter
Friend Forward Website | Podcast
Danielle Bayard Jackson is a friendship expert on a mission to help women create and maintain better friendships. As a former high school teacher and certified women's coach, (as well as a podcast host, author and speaker) Danielle uses her knowledge and training to help women better understand the impact and importance of strong platonic relationships between women through her unique platform, FriendForward. Recently featured in the NBC News article “I hired a friendship coach to make friends. Here’s what happened”, Danielle is sought after by various media outlets to shine a light on the complexities of female friendship and to provide actionable strategies for overcoming some of the most common hurdles to sustaining meaningful friendships.
KEY TOPICS
Friendship, Connections, Engagement, Communication, Vulnerability
